I don't care. That's probably my issue
(5-11-99)
Do you know how many times I've gotten in trouble for talking in
class? It just doesn't faze me anymore (5-18-99)
Somebody woke up on the stupid side of the bed this morning (8-25-00)
I don't have a lead foot, I just drive really fast (8-25-00)
That's great, cuz I have 12 fucking boyfriends now! (9-3-02)
Ken: You're taking poli sci Keller Plan,
what are you, an idiot?
Me: Well, according to you, yes. (?)
I got over you, why can't you get over you (9-8-02)
I hate people. I really hate people (9-10-02)
I'm a clothes whore (9-14-02)
I'm throwing my computer out the window in protest of boys. There,
it solves both my problems (9-16-02)
I've got the pants. All you need is pants (10-25-02)
Sometimes I fall on the side of having a guy brain (10-26-02)
Don't make fun of me for having no judgment. That's like making
fun of a girl with no arms (10-26-02)
I shouldn't make out with tools anymore (10-26-02)
You know, stupid boy syndrome has been going around lately (10-27-02)
I'm sad now, I've been defeated in two categories: flirting and
AIM profiles. What else am I good at? (11-8-02)
Who fucking cares, she didn't go to Never-Never Land (11-15-02)
He's an orgasm and a half (11-17-02)
Muwahahaha! You are on the Net! I am going to hack you! Hack! Hack!
Hack! (12-10-02)
Mark, please stop humping the dead bodies (12-16-02)
Who cares if he doesn't LOOK smart. I highly doubt that him looking
smart would be the reason I'm dating him (12-27-02)
What? Just cuz I'm a girl I can't know anything about football...what
an ass...ow, I just broke a nail (12-27-02)
You can go ahead and put the ball back in Lord's hands, he ain't
gonna do shit with it (12-27-02)
We've had some retarded presidents before, but I don't think we've
ever had an autistic monkey in the Oval Office before (1-9-03)
Britt: Addictions are fun
Me: Mostly yeah, except for those nasty ones
that involve snorting things thorugh your nose (1-11-03)
Britt: Addictions are
fun
Me: Mostly yeah, except
for those nasty ones that involve snorting things through your nose (1-11-03)
Britt:...I meant with
bad grades. Or biting my teachers or something
Me: I don't picture you
as a biter (1-16-03)
Britt: I am so over him
Me: As opposed to being
under him? (1-18-03)
You gotta kinda suck it before you chew (1-18-03)
I think over break was a good time for me to realize that he's hot,
but I really don't like him as much as I like to look at him (1-20-03)
Hehe, Brittish, like British, only with way better teeth (1-30-03)
Looks arent everything (2-4-03)
Ben G: I wouldn't touch that bitch with a
ten foot pole
Me: I would if I was beating her with it
(2-5-03)
Look at my feet...Geezus..Oh I'm full of fun tonight fucking computer
fucking fuckity fuck fuck computer (2-11-03)
Knappster: You can be anti-social and retarded
Me: I'm NOT anti-social!
(2-25-03)
Daddy gets a better job and Mommy does too. She gets to live where
the cows are (3-11-03)
I don't have the guts or the balls. Whichever. Figuratively or literally
(3-12-03)
I'm not ever getting married cuz I like to smooch (3-25-03)
I'm only spoiled because the people around me make it so (3-29-03)
But I don't think about sex all the time, I'm not a guy (4-5-03)
Becky: It's proven that you go insane if
you don't get enough sleep
Me: That's why we're getting you your chai
and getting the fuck out of here
Becky: I love you too (4-9-03)
Oh, I know, but he wouldn't alienate people if he bathed once in
a while (4-22-03)
This is why I don't do nice things for people. I get screwed over
(4-28-03)
Ow! I just broke my butt bone! (4-28-03)
Our family is all about ass (5-6-03)
Oooh, look at me, I got a job at a place that has so many initials,
the initials have initials in them (5-24-03)
Me: Well, you're the brains of the operation
and I'm...
Rachel: Everything else (5-29-03)
This ramen reminds me of my hair after I shower, some strands are
super curly and some are straight (5-30-03)
Having been able to test a variety of beds in Selleck, I can tell
you that they are all comfortable (6-9-03)
I was like, 'Okay guys, I'm jiggling, you can stop now' (6-19-03)
Rachel: At least Tristan made friends with
the Ugly Trio
Me: Now they're the Ugly Quadrangle (6-22-03)
I can walk sleazy (6-30-03)
That would be nice. I'd like to see your brother in the
morning (6-30-03)
I loved him because I had to, he was my boyfriend (7-6-03)
Look, they're all together. The Ugly Quadrangle rides again, ugliness
unite
(7-7-03)
Knapp: Give me five minutes
Me: Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco, ses
Knapp: You counted to seven
Me: That's six (7-7-03)
You're like a cat, rar...rar (7-19-03)
See, I act drunk when I'm around you (7-24-03)
Boys don't understand that they need to wash their hands after they
pee. Boys need to wash their hands more than girls do even because they're actually touching themselves when they pee (7-30-03)
I have the shortest, stubbiest tongue in the world.
It's a good thing I'm not a guy. Or a lesbian. (8-5-03)
I thought that said "Try Our Ken Chocolate Utopia"
(8-6-03)
I will not make out with tools or fratties. Wait,
that might be the same thing (8-26-03)
Knapp: Then I thought
I had to get a Rabies shot.
Me: Because you made
out with Becky? (9-1-03)
I don't float (9-6-03)
If we'd have grown up together you wouldn't have a
nutsack because I'd have kicked it off (9-6-03) (a little intoxicated)
What a perfectly good waste of penis (9-22-03)
But I love you and Britt loves you and Rachel loves you, and we're
cool bitches (9-22-03)
Tell her all the cool kids and a bunch of Kauffmanites are in the
Great Hall (9-25-03)
I needed something to suck on so I wouldn't fall asleep (9-26-03)
Why can't Sandro keep it up, geez (10-4-03)
Give me your calves, I want to lick them (10-6-03)
He has his priorities straight, I like my hair too (10-11-03)
It's okay, I know you, you're a biiiiiiiitch (10-15-03)
Oh shut up you Jesus-freak (11-8-03)
Please don't have an orgasm on the sidewalk (11-21-03)
I am the uber bitch, all lesser bitches bow before me (11-23-03)
When did they all become French? France wasn't even invented yet
(12-5-03)
Well if you knew what you were doing I wouldn't have to fake it
all the time (12-6-03)
You're just like a girlfriend, only with a penis. Wait...(12-16-03)
I think I get dumber when I'm around you because you think and you
take care of things so I don't have to (12-30-03)
I'm not a lesbian, I like the cock, thank you very much (1-3-04)
Me: So how's your brother? Still hot?
Knappster: Yep.
Me: Okay. (1-9-04)
It's okay to pretend you're a lesbian even if you aren't one (2-19-04)
My ass is a national treasure (2-23-04)
I could detach my jaw and eat him and then you wouldn't have to
take the test (2-23-04)
Dude, you're like a girl. Do your hair, find some clothes, and lets
go (2-28-04)
Brittany: I thought you meant she was gonna
stay with YOU
Me: Not in Pound. Oh no, you know pets aren't
allowed in the dorms (3-7-04)
Ernie: That dude ran a lot
Me: Well, he was a fugitive (3-15-04)
I don't like girls but she'd totally do me (3-25-04)
It finally occurred to me that you can't put your own penis
in your own ass, because most guys aren't long enough to do that anyway (4-1-04)
Why do you want me to go anyway, I didn't dance we just made out
(4-12-04)
I have enough dick in my life already, I don't need any more
(4-15-04)
Let me in you piece of shit cocksucking motherfucker. Colorful
language, Sarah (5-3-04)
We are simple creatures. We need love and hugs and kisses
and jewlery (5-3-04)
Sorry, I butt-cracked you again (5-4-04)
You poked my cervix, dick! (July, 2004)
Jenny: So what's it going to be like tomorrow?
Teetz: The weather?
Me: No, your mom. Of course the weather. (9-8-04)
Me: I have a hole in my pants
DaveReid: I have a squirrel in my pants
Teetzen: I have a penis
(pause)
Me and DaveReid: No, no you don't (9-23-04)
I'm gliding so I don't pee (9-24-04) (This is funnier if you have seen
the movie Ms. Congeniality)
So is Susan the brains of the operation and you're just the bodyguard?
(10-2-04)
Knapp: Go to your happy place
Me: I'm trying.
Knapp: Picture this: you, a baseball
bat, chasing Becky down the street
Me: Which one?
Knapp: Both. Does it really matter?
Me: Good point (10-2-04)
*****, we have to be immature, it's the only language you understand (10-4-04)
Tempt, tempt, tempt (10-4-04)
I already broke up with Adam and Teetz and Silas, don't make me break up
with you too (10-4-04)
A boob job instead of an Escalade...that's my brilliant plan (10-5-04)
Do I look like a girl who would know the geological make-up of Nebraska?
(10-5-04)
Can you believe everything that's happened in the last year?...(pause)...Wow,
I need new friends (10-7-04)
Courtney: He'd be lost without me
Me: But I've been without you for along time and I survived.
Courtney: Yeah, so how are you doing with that?
Me: Well, mostly I'm self-centered so I don't notice.
(10-18-04)
White Rain. Hey, don't they make...(10-20-04)
Britt: I'm trusting you on this.
Me: Wouldn't be the first time you made a mistake (10-20-04)
Knapp: Not all flirting leads to making out
Me: Then you're doing it wrong! (10-20-04)
On the topic of masturbation...
Me: I just think it's someone else's job.
Brett: (stares) Wow. This all comes down to you being
kind of stuck up. 'Someone else's job'...wow...I love you, but wow. Wow. Wow. (11-7-04)
Ryan: You're not evil to me. You're evil to my advantage
so who am I to complain?
Me: Exactly. People can either use me as an instrument
of evil or be struck down by that same instrument wielded by someone else (12-14-04)
You want Jesus on your sweatshirt? We screen print with the best of them!
(1-23-05)
I don't want your special sauce (1-27-05)
Stop fizzing on my face! (1-29-05)
M-I-S-S-I-S-S...S...I-P-P-I (2-4-05)
I hate retards; I probably shouldn't be a SPED teacher (2-11-05)
Teetz: If I was going to orgasm you'd know it.
Me: Um...probably not (2-21-05)
Everyone has some lesbians (2-21-05)
Mono is not from kissing! I would have had it a million times if it was!...Okay, so not a million, but I have definitely
done some smooching in my day (2-23-05)
Knapp: You can't get divorced
Me: Why not? We're not Catholic, it's okay (2-23-05)
Wait, you need to gain weight? Then why are you wearing clothes? (3-8-05)
Knapp: We're like robots, we can say anything and it doesn't really affect us.
Me: That's true. I can talk about beer, boobs, and butt-sex all day and it doesn't really matter (3-24-05)
Do you know how many times Brittany and I have been hammered and not made out? (3-24-05)
P-H-A-T-T-I-E. I'm a phattie (8-2-05)
(watching the Catholic channel, there was a nun statue for sale)
Teetz: $140??!!
Me: She better put out (8-16-05)
I'll Dropkick your Murphy! (sometime during Fall semester)
Teetz: Yeah, we'll be in Hell
Me: Oh God, don't act like that's a bad thing (2-6-06)
Your heels are 44Ds??!! (2-16-06)
Me: Maybe I'll dye my hair.
Amy: What color?
Me: Black. Like his heart. (6-26-06)
You can't breathe under water! (7-15-06)
I wish he'd just let me have sex in peace! (9-23-06)
