Since it is the lifelong goal of each and every single person out there to find that
special someone, we (and by 'we' I mean me and my crack staff here at the office (and
by 'crack staff here at the office' I mean me and Britt and Teetz hanging out in Britt's living room))
have started compiling gems here that will help you in your quest to find your better half. These are
tips and phrases guarenteed to have guys and/or gals falling at your feet.
Phrases
Ever been at a loss for words when talking to a member of the opposite sex and
looked like a complete fool, only to have someone else swoop in and steal the potential love of your life right out from under
your nose, leaving you stuttering for the right thing to say and thus blubbering like a baby? Try any of these, and while
you may still look like a fool, at least you'll have something to say. Remember, it's all in the delivery.
Key:
Items with a star (*) indicate
they have been field-tested and actually work.
Items with a carrot (^) mean they
are in the process of being tested now.
Items with a dollar sign ($) means
I would totally pay you to try this because you'd be an idiot if you really did and it would amuse me.
1. "Hey, wanna make out?" (*)
Works well on fraternity guys, (i.e. Pikes)
2. "You are attractive. You ARE attractive. I am attractive too.
I think we could be attractive together." (^)
We'll see how Teetzy's brother responds to this one and get back to you ASAP.
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Tips
These bad boys will help you out in the particularly difficult areas of style and personal
hygiene that so many guys seems to have a problem with. Seriously guys, leave the hideous socks-and-sandals combo in 1998
where it belongs. And even then it was only Adidas sandals you could wear socks with. If you don't believe me about
this one, check out Roller Coaster Theory. I am always right.
1. Do not bathe in your cologne or perfume.
Doing so says one of two things: A) I am really nervous and want to make a good first
impression by smelling like the entire Victoria's Secret Collection of body sprays, while in turn sacrificing both my and
your long-term sense of smell or B) I have a rather severe problem with B.O. and am trying to hide it, but really
am just drawing more attention to it.
