So this theory is going to be off to
a bit of a slow start with it being the end of the semester and all, but this stems back from a conversation Knappster and
I had about a couple freshman and how they are bitchy, but naturally my bitchiness surpasses theirs and I am far greater at
it then they could ever hope to be.
Componants of an uber bitch:
(Warning: Having just a few
of these may also qualify you as an uber bitch)
1. Being blunt
Teetzen says I don't have any tact, but as Cordelia from 'Buffy
the Vampire Slayer' once said, "Tact is just not saying true stuff". And it's not that I don't have any tact, I am just honest.
If being honest makes me a bitch, so be it.
2. Being picky
You may also be referred to as 'high maintenece' (which I am
not, despite what Teetzen, Knappster, Ken, Mark, Mike, etc say. Besides, Adam is one who is best suited to determine that
and he says I'm not) bu ignore those comments. You don't have to like everything so don't pretend to. At least it won't get
you stepped on all the time if you actually voice your opinion about what you like and don't like.
3. A general mean streak
You just sometimes have to be willing to laugh at anyone and everyone around
you. This does include the less-fortunate and disabled. Ask Teetzen about one of our latest trips to Wal-Mart, he knows what
I'm talking about. Friends, in addition, are not off limits either. Again, Teetzen knows this all too well, as he is often
reminded of his own 'disability'.
4. Be sarcastic
This kind of goes along with having a mean streak, especially if
you are laughing at the less-fortunate, but being witty while being mean is a definite plus. You can't just say something
like, "You're stupid", you have to make yourself and others laugh while you say it.
5. Being a *little* vain is ok
Everyone should have a mean streak, so having a vain one is not
the end of the world either. Don't be vain about something huge like the fact that your parents are multi-millionaires, everyone
will already think you are a bitch anyway regardless of if you really are or not, just look at the Hilton sisters. Be vain
about something smaller and a little less obvious. (Just so everyone knows if it wasn't crystal clear before, my hair is the
one thing I am absolutely vain about and whenever I threaten to chop it all off, anyone who knows me well knows I would
never really do it.)
6. Glare
By perfecting an evil glare, people will know you are a bitch without
you even having to say anything to them. Also extremely handy when your guy friends are being a-holes.
New Provision:
7. The Controlling Bitch vs. The Manipulative Bitch
Okay, no one likes manipulative people. These are the people who like to think they
have control but really don't. They have to use tactics such as lying and scheming to try to get others to do what they want,
and most people can see through this. A true bitch, a controlling bitch, already has such power over others and control of
situations in general that she says jump, and those around her say, "How high?". She does not have to lie or scheme or
plot, and she never has to hide her intentions because most people are just too afraid to tell her no.
