It's not a crown it's a tiara, I swear!
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Brittany

Hey, you guys have both my balls like... (9-2-02)
 
Henry has offered to do a lot of weird things to me (9-6-02)
 
So yeah, he's smart. Now they're talking about it, sounds like smart gibberish
(9-23-02)
 
You can't spell drunk without UNK...So what can't you spell without UNL? UNLucky...UNLoved...
 
You won't need it. I know you (10-25-02)
 
Just don't get trashed because then I'll cry and I won't get in the car with you. Then I'll hit you, but you'd probably hit me back, and I'm little and you'd beat me up (10-31-02)
 
You have a whole era. I'm a girl in a tie (10-31-02)
 
Wow. So not only have I invented a word, I've invented a definitionless one. Score (11-3-02)
 
Nuns can flirt too, to a certain degree (11-6-02)
 
I'm pale and sickly from too much exposure to school (11-15-02)
 
Say you go to bed early, because you get up early, so stop calling, fucker
(11-21-02)
 
See, you're becoming human (12-11-02)
 
She's a man-eater (12-14-02)
 
Guys! Stop making out on my computer! (12-14-02)
 
You could hit him with a beer bottle (12-14-02)
 
Sarah, I have never been in your backseat (1-11-03)
 
He's not too noisy of a guy. I'm sure you wouldn't have too much trouble with that (1-19-03)
 
Me: This book is so boring I think I am going to shoot myself
Britt: Porn...Oh I thought that said 'Porn and Houston' (1-20-03)
 
He reminds me of Swamp Thing (1-20-03)
 
You have so much make-up, you make-up whore (1-30-03)
 
I'm gonna blast the game real loud and see if anyone stops by to say hi (2-19-03)
 
Yeah, he's being a guy - which, unfortunately, is a bad thing (3-8-03)
 
Don't worry about her, she's safe (3-23-03)
 
Me: I want a horror movie. We're not going to find one in the family section.
Britt: Well, that's where the Olson twins are (3-28-03)
 
Sarah: What exactly do they do? Look over your papers or what?
Britt: Besides have kinky sex in the study room they converted into an office? Talk...proof-read I guess (4-2-03)
 
So if you ever had to go on trial and they'd be like, 'dsfa.,m is pleading guilty, do you CONCUR?' You'd be like, 'Hell yeah I do' (4-2-03)
 
...Or we could just stop doing stupid stuff (4-22-03)
 
...and he's got a hairy chest and by hairy I mean like a rug (4-30-03)
 
...They ask for spices. Yeah, let me get out my Lazy Susan and get you a fuckin' bottle of paprika (5-2-03)
 
I think the spelling part of my brain broke (5-24-03)
 
...And he's gross and annoying and perverted, to name a few of his better qualities (6-21-03)
 
She's not aesthetically  pleasing. That's PC for ugly. (9-17-03)
 
Just because I'm a chem major doesn't mean I like experimenting (10-1-03)
 
I love the smell of chocolate, I wanna eat myself (10-1-03)
 
Mexicans don't eat lemons (10-3-03)
 
Gee it's too bad there's no wireless or we could chat (10-4-03)
 
I'm kind of a pussy, sorry (10-4-03)
 
Me: This is how it went with Cody and that didin't end well
Britt: It didn't start well either (10-15-03)
 
I'm not so much a fan of incest (10-15-03)
 
Well I got it right, so suck my dick (10-15-03)
 
He looks so cute, even if he looks like a hobo (10-15-03)
 
If I dated him, I'd turn lesbian too (10-18-03)
 
My conversations are about as exciting as listening to someone talk about their toe fungus (2-1-04)
 
I don't think she sucks cock, I think she just sucks (2-6-04)
 
Let's all get in your bed (2-20-04)
 
Ewww, she's swallowing him (2-20-04)
 
Me: That's why it's good having gay guy friends, you can cuddle with them.
Brittany: Yeah, but I wouldn't cuddle with anyone wearing that sweater (2-20-04)
 
When my sister was little she used to suck on the weiners... (3-6-04)
 
That's strange. He must be built wrong (3-7-04)
 
Oprah gave someone a Hummer once (3-7-04)
 
It's staying in the mouth tonight (4-1-04)
 
I'm an animal! (4-1-04)
 
I'm doing it manual tonight, I don't have time for the vibrator (4-2-04) (Okay sickos, this one needs an explanation: she was actually talking about using her regular toothbrush to brush her teeth instead of her electric one)
 
I point out peoples flaws to feel better about myself (4-18-04)
 
I wish I was better at punching peoples faces in (5-3-04)
 
We need to find you a friend who doesn't go to school and has nothing to do (5-3-04)
 
I feel like a worthless turd (5-3-04)
 
I can't help feeling like a turd and he can't help not getting it, so I guess we're at a stalemate (5-3-04)
 
Don't butt-crack me (5-3-04)
 
It's not that I don't like Helzer, I just am afraid he wants to kill me (6-29-04)
 
Red River,  fuck Red River (9-17-04)
 
I'm just disapointed that he feels like he needs to suck (10-4-04)
 
I'm mad at him. He deserves upside-down posters for what he did (10-4-04)
 
Hahaha we are SUCH exhibitionists (10-4-04)
 
We're sneaky bitches (10-4-04)
 
Oops, misplaced modifier (10-4-04)
 
Me: We're really a depressing group of people I've come to realize. Perhaps we should all be on drugs.
Britt: That would be awesome. We could trade, for fun (10-4-04)
 
Physical violence rules...in moderation  (10-11-04)
 
This is not correct (10-20-04)
 
I'll get the Sunbeam one, it's ugly, it's perfect (10-20-04)
 
Party or I'll die (10-20-04)
 
I'm too good for everybody is what I am trying to say (10-29-04)
 
I thought you were talking about Jess Winterlin, not Jess the Freak. I'm hungry (10-29-04)
 
I don't know if you can jump anybody sexually, but I would (10-29-04)
 
I have this horrible picture of her as a fire-breathing bitch (10-29-04)
 
You concerned that man (11-13-04)
 
Me: How conceited am I, on a scale of 1-10?
Britt: 15 (11-22-04)
 
I guess all you can do at this point is eat your boogers (12-14-04)
 
Even Canadians can do stuff, they just have to work a little harder (12-17-04)
 
We're not regular people (12-21-04)
 
Stop looking at her! (12-21-04)
 
Come here pretty boy, Sarah wants to convert you to Americanism (12-22-04)
 
Me: Oh Glenn, just because you have a man's name doesn't mean you can have a man's job.
Britt: Yeah, go cook something (12-22-04)
 
It was a great party until everyone started licking each other (12-29-04)
 
I want a boyfriend to kiss on New Year's, and then I'll dump him. Start the year off right (12-29-04)
 
I'm a grammar Nazi (12-29-04)
 
We kinda do talk about people an awful lot sometimes (12-29-04)
 
What, what, she's dating someone?! Has he looked at her teeth?! I bet they don't make out (12-29-04)
 
So, uh, Teetz in a bathrobe, eh? (12-29-04)
 
I want people to come to my birthday too, so I need to make friends (1-9-05)
 
Grand Island is one big train yard. Or train wreck (1-22-05)
 
I look like crap. I've already used up most of my 'looking like crap in public" time for the week (1-23-05)
 
Ooh, nice try at being assertive (2-3-05)
 
Teetz: Mine's from an XXX film I made
Britt: I could tell. You look really lost and confused (2-3-05)
 
I want a green kid (2-11-05)
 
Teetz: You wanna make out?
Britt: With what? (2-11-05)
 
I like God too and everything, but... (2-21-05)
 
I want to grow my kids in a test tube, I don't want to be pregnant (2-21-05)
 
Jacob is really spelled t-o-o-l (3-8-05)
 
Questions: How does G-rated tourettes work?
Answer: I'msorryIloveyouI'msorryIloveyou (3-8-05)
 
Me: Scholarly is lame
Britt: So is not being able to aim at the toilet, but alas, both are apparently inevitable (3-8-05)
 
I would do lovey-dovey things with Dave Grohl, or Ben Affleck (8-2-05)
 
I just think DaveReid would do her a huge favor if he bought her a journal for her next birthday, so she can keep some of her craziness to herself (8-2-05)
 
You're bad at the Internet (10-7-05)
 
I think he's grown a little as a person (12-13-05)
 
I don't believe in the death penalty but I'm kind of in favor of torture (12-13-05)